Journalist. Writer. Researcher. Editor.

Why I didn’t report my rape #10

I am a responsible, level headed and  happily married 35 year old mother of two. My husband was overseas last year and I went to a mutual friend’s birthday party. I arranged to stay over at the friend’s house that the party was being hosted at. My hubby was happy with this, we discussed it and it was very much a case of…… go and have fun, sleep over in one of the spare rooms, rather be safe and have fun than be sorry and drive drunk.

The party was great, I was surrounded by all of my good friends who I trust and love, I was in my ‘safe zone’. I had a few toots and was tipsy but no where close to drunk, that was until the end of the evening. I can only assume the mutual friend spiked my drink towards the end of the evening…..I found myself paralytic and vomiting on the bed in the spare room as he had his way with me.

This is a friend of my husbands.
I have never told a soul, except for my GP who I saw the next day for HIV tests etc…..
I never told my hubby for fear of what he may do to the man.

My message, everyone TAKE CARE, even those you think you can trust can sometimes be the ones who harm you.

Actually, only now that I have put this down in writing have I realised that in the year that has passed I have not been out ‘on my own’ socially, only with my husband. He is my ‘safe place’ now.

I thought I had dealt with it in such a way that it had not permanently affected me or the way I live my life, but I guess it has.

If you are rape survivor and need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to call the ‘Stop Gender Violence‘ helpline at 0800 150 150.

Note: Rape myths abound after the Vavi rape accusation was brought to light. These myths hurt all rape survivors – and if you ever experience sexual violence, these myths will hurt you too. The most common myth I’ve seen is the fallacy that if you don’t report to the police, it didn’t happen.  (See here.) I put out a call on Twitter for survivors who didn’t report to send me their story. To follow the series, see here.

If you would like to include your story in this conversation, please email me: michelle at journoactivist dot com. I will assume anonymity for all submissions unless specified otherwise.

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